Calling All Storytellers

February 24, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Public service announcement courtesy of EarnThis.net!

The short version: a talented new indie band from the Netherlands is now accepting short story submissions so that they can pick one and write a soundtrack for it.  Read their official announcement here and see details below.

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All Shall Be Well (And All Shall Be Well And All Manner Of Things Shall Be Well)… is a long name for a band.  Those words were said to have been spoken by God to a 14th-century mystic named Julian of Norwich.  “Mystic” is a good word for describing the sounds on the band’s 2011 debut album, ROODBLAUW, available for name-your-price download at their bandcamp.  Go ahead and stream it there, and also check out their one music video, which right around 3:15 starts doing one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen in a music video.  If you’re down with high-quality album packaging, you can also check out their limited-edition 40-page booklet and cd, which can find its way to America for around $20 all told.

Even for a fan of the instrumental post-rock genre like myself, comparisons to Explosions in the Sky seem unavoidable here.  The style is very much the same; “sedate” is not the right word, since songs tend to peak at gale force, but there is nothing jarring or angular.  Dynamics transition smoothly over long periods of time and vamps ensconce you like warm blankets.  The biggest selling point of All Shall Be Well to me is that they are essentially unknown, which means music fans get that exciting opportunity not only to discover something new but even to touch it and become a part of it.

You didn’t write Friday Night Lights.  (H.G. Bissinger, if you’re reading, please comment.)  Explosions in the Sky probably won’t ever write a soundtrack to your story.  But All Shall Be Well will.  And how many submissions do you think they’ll get?  If their video has 4,500 views on YouTube, and each fan has watched it X times, and only Y% of fans will try submitting anything, and you can write better than half those guys anyway…

So, find or write a narrative short story of 1,000 words or less, in English or Dutch (just in case), and send it in to storytellers@allshallbewell.nl by Thursday, March 15.  If you get famous off this, make sure to let us know!  And maybe see if you can get an extra free t-shirt for me?

Good luck!

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“Why are you the way that you are?” — Ten of my biggest writing influences

February 21, 2012 By 2 Comments

Every now and then I browse through the archives of Earn This — and my colllege newspaper columns, and my old personal web-site, etc. — and I usually come away some combination of pleased and disgusted. Pleased, in that my writing has become progressively more readable. Disgusted, and that so much of what I’ve written has been so bad.

I don’t claim that I’m a good writer, or even a competent one. I do claim, though, that I have gotten at least marginally better at writing than I was in 2002 as a freshman in high school. Part of that has been simple quantity of practice. Part of that has been ruthlessly critiquing my own writing, sometimes months or years after I’ve written it, and taking away some lesson from that analysis.

But what I want to focus on in this post is a third habit that has had a strong impact on my writing: Reading lots and lots of articles and books in areas that I write about, and trying to emulate aspects of writing that I enjoy.

This year is the tenth anniversary of when I started writing for fun, so I thought it’d be interesting to collect the ten pieces of writing or writers that have (by my guess) most directly impacted my own writing — especially for this site. Most are in a relevant genre; some aren’t. Here are my ten biggest written influences, and a brief explanation of why I like them and how they’ve impacted me.

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The Hit Equation

February 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

"The Manual" by KLF (1988)

Topping the UK charts is as easy as a² + b² = c².

The Music Information Retrieval (MIR) team at the University of Bristol recently announced to the world that they had devised a mathematical formula that indicates what qualities of a song are important, and to what degrees, in determining whether that song will eventually make it into the top 5 spots of the UK Top 40.  Their research is on display in a very pop form at scoreahit.com.  And in the interest of fairness, you might want to take a glance at how they present themselves before you hear my opinions.

To me, as a lover of music and an acquaintance of the industry, the idea of an equation for success smacks of mythology.  While I recognize that claims of pop music becoming both formulaic and hit-driven are patently true, it’s just as true that not every cookie-cutter record becomes a worldwide bestseller.  I choose to believe that what separates hits from misses, if it is predictable at all, has little to do with song structure.  (It’s probably nothing noble either; I’m thinking along the lines of publicity funding.)

Press coverage, at least what the team links to, has uniformly been reminiscent of Bristol’s official release.  Maybe that’s a comment on journalism.  But, if you’ll follow me through the jump, I’d like to show you the problems I find with this particular study, its results, and its presentation.  In the process, I hope to completely maim your dreams about any holy grail of a Hit Equation.

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Earn This roundtable: What is your one pop culture wish?

February 9, 2012 By 1 Comment

Inspired by the AV Club’s enjoyable AVQ&A series, Earn This writers and friends teamed up and decided to do their own roundtable, question-answering session.

The question we stole directly from a recent AVQ&A entry:

You’ve discovered a genie, but he has some limitations: He can only grant one wish, and it must be within the pop-cultural sphere. You can change any one thing about popular culture, no matter how big or small, from “I wish Artist X was the bestselling musician on the planet” to “I wish musical formats stopped evolving at vinyl” to “I wish all media was free somehow.” Show your work: Why do you want this, and what effect do you think it’ll have?

Here are our answers.

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A Few of My Favorite 2011: #7 Europa Universalis 3

February 7, 2012 By Leave a Comment

This is part of my 2011 wrap-up series, A Few of My Favorite Things, in which I discuss what I enjoyed the past year, regardless of when it was released.

#7 Europa Universalis 3

PC game, 2007

The previous entry on this list earned about $1.4 billion. This entry probably earned about 0.1% of that.

It’s a shame that Europa Universalis 3 is not better-loved than it is. Certainly its inclusion (and frequent sales) on Steam have expanded its audience. I don’t think I would have discovered it otherwise.

The easiest way to describe this vastly complex, flexible game is that it’s a “history simulator.” It’s better and more accurate than the Civilization games, which often earn a similar descriptor.

While the Civilzation games really have little to do with history other than approximating the scientific and military development timeline and letting you play as various historical leaders, Europa Universalis attempts to represents the actual world and politics of 1399-1821.

This (poorly-named) game was the game I played most in 2011 (unless you combine NBA 2K11 and 2K12, which I do). Steam says I played more than 120 hours. It’s because there’s so much to do, so many ways to play, so much to experiment with and think about.

To give you an idea of what the gameplay is actually like, I will share a breakdown of three ways I played. When the game starts, you choose a nation to control — beginning in 1399 — and have complete control of that nation. Here are three counterfactual histories I created:

Portugal – When I became king of Portugal in 1399, my first move was to invest all spare funds into the development and improvement of our naval technology and arsenal. I decided that trans-Atlantic colonization would be the state’s priority.

By around 1470 — more than a quarter century before Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue — I had the means to start hitting the seas. I started by sending a pack of 100 colonists to the Canadian coast, which required the shortest journey even if the lands are less fertile.

From there, I gradually spread south. My goal was to set up colonies up and down the coast. I’d block off the lands west of there from other European nations and claim them for myself. With a head start and an economic focus on expansion, I figured it would be no trouble.

Well, it turns out colonies are expensive and difficult to maintain. Even after they reach a point of self sufficiency, it’s expensive to keep them under your banner. Tax revenue that had, for near a century, been dumped back into Portugal’s economy through research and production soon had to be poured into colonial upkeep.

The longer colonies survived and the more their populations grew, the closer they came to paying for themselves as I collected taxes and exports.

But, much as the British eventually learned, there are perils to gaining too large a presence on a continent across the ocean. I expanded too fast and my funds dried up; I was hit with massive loan interest and major inflation, and I barely survived.

The colonies became a bit restless, too. Native American tribes proved impossible to handle in a diplomatic way. Even with more aggressive tactics (that caused a moral dilemma and a bit of self-loathing), they kept slipping through my fingers and causing small uprisings or attacking populations.

Worst of all, I’d invested so heavily in expansion that other European nations hastily exploited my thin infrastructure at home. Invaders reduced my national stability, which further reduced my hold on the colonies.

I briefly considered cutting ties with my European land and starting fresh as an independent North American nation. But most of my economic productivity still came from my populous European provinces. My colonies weren’t established enough to be considered potential capitals.

In the end, I had to pawn off many of my lands and colonies — American, European, and African — to merely survive. Despite my emphasis on expansion for 100+ years, I somehow ended up with less land, less money, less technology, less productivity, and less power than if I had stay put.

Cherokee – After utterly bombing my western domination attempt as Portugal, I decided to try something a little bit more low-key and isolated: Native America. With far fewer competitors and an untapped continent at my disposal, I figured I’d have an easy run of developing a small empire. I might even be able to take on European colonists if I prepare correctly.

Just one problem: Native American tribes are highly averse to centralization, expansion, and the development of technology. At first I pumped almost all of our resources into fruitless efforts at adopting some research. Eventually, I realized it was in vain — many years of funds went essentially down the toilet as the Cherokee made almost no progress.

Making everything more difficult were the pesky surrounding tribes. I slowly but surely eliminated the local pretenders. Then I started building wealth and armies, and waiting for the inevitable European expansion.

Two hundred years (and a few hours of gameplay) later, I had a massive army and a large fortune. I decided I was ready to hold my own when the Europeans finally colonized.

But when they finally arrived, my attempt to defy history derailed. Western weapons easily slaughtered my horde and claimed my lands. My attempts at diplomacy and bribing for peace failed. Within years, my miniature empire crumbled. Turns out I’m not smart enough to out-strategize technology.

Castille – After my failed Cherokee attempt, I decided I’d had enough of the New World. I went back to Europe and took over medieval Castille.

The nation adopted a mission of claiming lands from the heathen Grenada (that little segment of land just south of it). Sure, why not?

So I declared war with a casus belli and moved in for the kill. They only have a few provinces and a small army, so what’s the worst that could happen?

Whoops. I forgot to check their allies. Algiers (north Africa) surprised me with a sneak attack from the north, when I’d closed in on Grenada in the south.

Eventually, I occupied Grenada. But that didn’t conclude my war on the northern front. With national stability and contentment low, small groups started revolting and trying to claim independence.

But I ultimately sued Algiers for peace and recouped some stability. For awhile, all went well. But then twenty-five years later, Portugal decided my pretty and largely unprotected lands would look nice under their banner. So they invaded from the east. Then, invaders from the west decide to pile on.

Turns out world domination — or even national prosperity and peace — aren’t particularly easy commodities to acquire. But the game’s challenge is one of its greatest strengths, and that’s why I keep coming back. The game has a million different ways to play it, and each is as challenging and compelling as the last, I’ve discovered.

Previously: #8 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Up next: Welcome to guilty pleasure TV drama, bitch!

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Some thoughts on Super Bowl XLVI

February 6, 2012 By Leave a Comment

A record-setting number of people watched The Big Game yesterday, so I’m sure everyone and their grandmother has something to say about the proceedings. Nonetheless, I couldn’t resist sharing my own take on a few aspects of yesterday’s Super Bowl.

The matchup

Really, was there a worse possible matchup? Both teams have won Super Bowls within the past seven years. Both teams have overexposed personalities. Both teams come from spoiled sports cities (particularly in the past decade).

I guess America’s gut reaction is to root against the dynastic Patriots whenever possible. I definitely get it: They give off an air of arrogance. They’ve won huge during the Tom Brady era and sometimes acted like spoiled brats. And there’s Spygate, Gisele, Tom Brady’s hair, etc. etc. So many easy reasons to vilify them.

On the other hand, I’m a Redskins fan and thus predisposed to cheering against the Giants. Plus, the Giants have won much more recently. Eli isn’t all that more likable than Brady, nor is Coughlin than Belichick. Lastly, if the Giants won, it would mean a) they have more trophies than the Redskins do, and b) Devin f-ing Thomas has a ring, but London Fletcher/Santana Moss/Lorenzo Alexander do not.

So, despite proclaiming at the beginning of the playoffs that the Patriots were the last team I wanted to win, I found myself completely on the fence, dreading any outcome.

I decided to choose a preferred team based off of which winner seemed a more appropriate fit for football history. Here’s a list of some of the implications of the Patriots winning vs. the Giants winning. Out of each pair, which one feels better, more correct?

  • The Patriots tying the Cowboys and 49ers with 5 SB wins vs. The Giants tying the Packers with 4 SB wins
  • Tom Brady tying Joe Montana with 3 SB MVPs vs. Eli Manning tying Brady, Terry Bradshaw, Bart Starr with 2 SB MVPs
  • Countless features about Tom Brady securing his status as a top 2 or 3 QB ever vs. countless features about Eli now officially being “elite” (whatever that means) and, whose legacy is better — Peyton or Eli
  • Poetic cap to a decade-plus of great football vs. a repeat little Giants over big bad Pats

I thought about each of these and decided that the former felt better in every case. I’m okay with the Patriots being the best football team of my formative years. I’ve come to grips with that. Let them put the whipped cream (Super Bowl) and cherry (Brady SBMVP) on their dynasty sundae.

To solidify my pick, the media spent this past week going over and over and over the “can the underdog Giants win again?” stories. Really? The line is 2.5 points, and they’re playing at a stadium that hugely favors them, and they have superior momentum, and you’re calling them the “underdogs?”

There have only been two real Super Bowl underdogs in the past ten years: The Giants in ’08 and the Patriots in ’02. This game was as close to a toss-up as there will be. Don’t compare it to 4 years ago.

I really just hate it when everyone in sports, media and fans, all pile on the same person or the same team — especially when the team/player isn’t winning big. Yeah, I’m that guy who defiantly cheered for Michael Vick (pre-re-emergence) and LeBron James (post-Decision). The Patriots haven’t won a title since 2005. That’s about a generation and a half in sports terms. So why is everyone acting like they won last year?

In summary, I wouldn’t have minded the Patriots solidifying their legacy — would’ve seemed apt, in fact — and I think the Patriots are overhated, the Giants underhated.

The game

It was pretty entertaining. Came down to the wire. Couldn’t ask for more.

A few isolated thoughts:

  • The butt touchdown was a hilarious way for the Giants to take a lead. It’ll be uncomfortable for the Giants to show that go-ahead touchdown without blushing a little bit. Ahmad Bradshaw will probably always feel a little embarrassed when it comes up at parties for the rest of his life.
  • So, what were the odds on Brady-called-for-intentional-grounding-safety as the game’s first score? Anyone out there make that bet?
  • Good God was Cris Collinsworth annoying. He’s my least favorite sportscaster, so maybe I just listen for the dumb things he says. I know that he does much better than I could. And he sometimes makes very salient points. But when he says Welker makes catches “100 times out of 100″ (he had 122 catches and 5 drops this year, so he makes them 96 times out of 100) and tries so desperately to make Manningham’s impressive-but-not-extraordinary catch seem like a Tyree-peat, it makes me want to hit the mute button.
  • After a kicker-heavy postseason, and the Patriots’ history with kicking game-winners, everyone assumed kickers would play a vital, decisive role in the Super Bowl. But all the field goals were few and routine. If any kicker had a tangible influence on this game, it was the Giants’ punter, Steve Weatherford.

The commercials

The ads were more or less what I expected: A couple great ones, several good ones, plenty of forgettable ones. Off the top of my head: None made me laugh harder than Hyundai’s cheetah turning on its trainer, none made me smile more than King Elton John’s Pepsi, and none stood out as classic more than Clint Eastwood’s Chrysler/Detroit defense (even if it was a bit over-dramatic).

The halftime show

This kind of lip-synced, overproduced, gaudy display is a different kind of performance from Bruce Springsteen or U2′s authentic-feeling show. But it can be great nonetheless. And I thought that Madonna’s show was, almost unequivocally, a great one.

First, the music is iconic. “Music” and “Vogue” are relics of pop eras past and still enjoyable. Her new song is an overt Gwen Stefani and Avril Lavigne rip, but enjoyable enough. These three combined provided a nice, kaleidoscopic take on the past quarter century of girl-pop.

And then there was “Like a Prayer” which is one of my favorite songs. Uplifting, anthemic, subtly sexual — it’s a fantastic song made especially memorable by the background choir. The performance yesterday was definitely a high-point of the show, even though I could have done without Cee-Lo Green’s appearance.

Madonna and crew pulled out all of the stops, with a wide variety of guest appearances and elaborate spectacles, all covered in a fine glaze of strangeness: The Dustin Diamond/Will Ferrell slack-rope jumper, the Babylonian theme, the “World Peace” message following Madonna’s dramatic disappearance.

The one thing I can’t decide whether or not improved the show was Madonna’s appearance. She was trying so hard to be sexy — and kind of pulling it off. She’s almost 55, with a body and face that have been artificially (thought artfully) enhanced, so the fact that she looked and danced like she was 25 years younger was some combination unsettling, impressive, incongruous, wonderfully weird. I just can’t figure out what the balance of those was.

The unexpected delight

After the game was over, I went on twitter, and I didn’t emerge for about a half hour. Apparently people watch the game with their computers/iPhones out, because there were a few hundred tweets from the game to sift through. I didn’t think I’d want to, but the Madonna, Clint Eastwood, Eli Manning, Butt Touchdown, “Anything good on TV?,” Danny Woodhead, etc. jokes were actually quite hilarious.

Rather than post them all, I’ll just point you to Ken Jennings’ (yes, the Jeopardy guy) twitter feed. He had a couple of my favorites.

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